Tuesday, September 13, 2011


It has probably been over 20 years since the last time I was in L.A., and it was not the place I remembered, probably due in large part to the fact that my earlier visits were with family, and revolved around hanging out at my uncle's house and going on long road trips in the minivan to various national parks.

That is not what L.A. is like. At all.

We flew into Long Beach instead of LAX, which was an amusing mistake. Long Beach is basically a small trailer park with runways. The airport employees don't seem to be aware that they are working at the airport, which can be problematic when you're trying to check a bag or get through security.

From what we could tell at the hotel and when we went out in the city, L.A. is kind of like Vegas, but with no gambling and more plastic surgery. We saw a girl in thigh high boots who apparently decided that the height of her boots negated the need for pants. We saw a middle-aged gentleman in a sequined shirt who has had so much done to his face that we were afraid it would fall off at any moment. We saw enough SUVs to use up all the oil in Kuwait.

On the other hand, we also saw dolphins and whales swimming around right next to our hotel. That was pretty awesome.

Oh, and they also hired a falconer and his falcons to keep the seagulls away. Only in L.A. could a dude with a leather glove and a bird find full-time employment at a fancy resort.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

buy the way

One of the things I love doing when visiting foreign countries is to go to the local mall and the local grocery store to see what odd products they have to offer their customers.

I am quite sure that foreign visitors to the U.S. enjoy doing the same thing.

An American friend who lives in Switzerland was in town for a couple of days a few weeks ago, and we went on the requisite "stock up on things that are cheaper or only available in America" trip to the mall, Target, and Safeway. I took a few pictures of some of the great things you can buy in our wonderful country.

Double Stuf Oreos weren't fattening enough, so they now make Triple Double Oreos, which have three cookies and two layers of Double Stuf creme.

In case you wanted to wash your hair with placenta shampoo, but were afraid your hair would be dry afterwards, have no fear, there is also placenta conditioner
Available at Target.

Old Spice comes in "Matterhorn" and "Swagger." 
How can you possibly choose??

I had no idea Axe was so popular that it now requires multiple scents. 
(Does anyone actually use Axe?)

Maybe the people who shop here use Axe. 
For all your armor needs, Armor-Geddon occupies an entire store in the mall.